I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
