I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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