The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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