Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
