She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt know i had herpes?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
