last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
