WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
