girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
