my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
