god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
