I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
