Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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