I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
