I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
