the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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