I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
