During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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