bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
