i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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