I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
