And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
