no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
