so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
