yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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