i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
