Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
