Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
