She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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