Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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