Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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