I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
