Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
