you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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