a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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