The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
