My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
