I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
