So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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