I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
