i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
