So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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