no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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