Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
