Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
