I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
