Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
