I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize