the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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