I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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