I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
