I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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