I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize