I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
