I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
