you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
