Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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