There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
