Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
