she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
