you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
