when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
