The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
3 2 1 whiskey
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
