The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
