thus making me awesome and them whores
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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